In my weakest moments of life, I felt helpless and hopeless, consumed with disgust of what my life had become. My dreadful life as an addict was a constant reminder of failure. Although I was lost for so many years, just wondering day to day in my dreadfulness, I knew there was a purpose for my life. At one point I found myself all alone in a small prison cell. The intense, heavy weight of guilt and shame had filled my every-waking moments and I was tormented by the reality of what my actions had caused. I was broken. I cried and cried out to God, screaming inside for forgiveness. It was a process of continual prayer and seeking Him thru His word, but when I finally accepted His forgiveness, unexplainable peace and comfort filled my soul. He loved me, really loved me; it was the reality of His love for me that gave me strength and hope for a better future. I didn’t have to be a slave to drugs anymore. I could simply choose to do good and not bad. I could start over and become a new person.
I found strength in the fact that my Heavenly Father loved me so much that He sent His one and only son, Jesus Christ to die in my place, because I could never live a righteous, sinless life. It must have broken the Father’s heart for His son to die and bare the weight of the sins of the world. The shame and guilt I felt in that prison cell, doesn’t compare to what Jesus must have felt that day when the sins of the world were placed upon Him. That is strength! This is when I realized that Jesus saved me from the pit of hell! And nothing could ever happen to me on earth that would compare with that. Nothing! It was like crossing over a swinging bridge. You can cross over it scared to death or cross over it with confidence. The strength of the bridge will not change!
Finding strength is a continual process. Prayer and reading God’s word feeds our spirits and gives the strength to conquer sinful desires. Otherwise, when temptation comes, and it will come, our spirits will be too weak and malnourished to fight the enemy of our souls. My time at the Renewal Center was greatly significant because it was 6 months spent reading God’s Word, getting to know my Heavenly Father, His Son, and the Holy Spirit.
A father’s strength is secure and dependable. It’s gentle yet firm, never changing. His strength knows what’s best for his child; establishing boundaries and extending abundant grace and mercy. Even though his child falls over and over again, he picks them up each time, guiding them down the right path. His strength is strong and firm without compromise. He is passionate about those he calls his own and will not let them go. His sacrifices are unmeasurable and his forgiveness is never-ending. His strength is love, truth and hope. This is who my Heavenly Father is.
Phillippians 4:12-13 “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”
