By Kyla Walker
As an addict, I was a disgrace. I knew I was causing destruction, but really didn’t realize it’s depth. I knew it was bad, but that truth was not a reality. That’s called being a fool. Deep down I cared about my life and those whom I loved, but I just ignored my conscience. There was great pain and rebellion in my heart. I found myself in jail many different times. Feeling overwhelming shame and guilt I cried out to God for forgiveness and peace. While there, I started reading God’s word, developing a relationship with Him. Through His word, I had some powerful revelations. I realize the reality of my evil actions and that Satan was tricking me into seemingly “not caring about my life.” I gradually became more aware of Christ’s love for me, what He saved me from and the price He paid. I was forgiven of my unfaithfulness to Him, even when I didn’t deserve it.!! Wow, that’s true LOVE! At that very moment, my guilt and shame lifted and was replaced with peace. I always believed in Jesus’ forgiveness but until that moment, it had always just been words to me. Now it is REAL and HUGE! See, before, I believed with my mind, not my heart and there is a big difference. Even Satan and his demons believe. To believe is to obey God’s word. John 14:23 Jesus replied, “Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching.” Repentance came into my heart and so did forgiveness. Romans 6:17 “But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you have come to obey from your heart the pattern of teaching that has now claimed your allegiance.” Amen, thanks be to God that He finally got my attention of what really matters in this world, HIM! Because He saved me from the pit of HELL and knowing that with all my heart, nothing in this world can touch me. No matter what life brings, I will be okay. I don’t have to turn to drugs or alcohol anymore. My strength is in Him, knowing what He has saved me from.
“Therefore, my friends, I want you to know that through Jesus, the forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you.” Acts 13:38
“In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that He lavished on us. With all wisdom and understanding, He made known to us the mystery of His will according to His good pleasure, which He purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times reach their fulfillment—to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ.” Ephesians 1:6-10 “
If you have not repented of your sins, whatever they may be, I urge you to make Christ real in your heart today!
“But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. But the day of the Lord will come like a thief. The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything done in it will be laid bare.” 2 Peter 3:8-10
This is REAL my friends! Don’t ignore what the Lord is telling you like I did for so many years.
“Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will not see life, for God’s wrath remains on them.” John 3:36
The Renewal Center is a place to heal from past mistakes and to grow closer to the Lord. Forgiveness is given freely to the repentant heart!
Kyla, I enjoyed reading your story and thanks for having the courage to share it with others via this blog/FB/etc. Yours is a great story of, as the title suggests, forgiveness of oneself and of past actions & attitudes that caused harm to others (and to yourself). So glad you have a greater joy now found in God.
Thank you so much Diane. To God be the glory! God bless you!
Thanks so much for sharing your story, Kyla. I have a son who is right where you were – addictions, jail, claiming Christ but the truth is not yet reality to him – and I have personally experienced the enemy’s way of using shame and guilt to keep us from the truth. I thank God for your testimony and want you to know He has used you to increase my hope that the day will soon come when He opens my son’s eyes to the Truth and the Way.
Shalom
Linda, I will pray for your son. I know that it may seem hopeless at times, but it is not! There was a time, that I am sure my mom felt just as you do and now she rejoices. You have every reason to be hopeful. Your comment has touched me deeply, thank you so much for your encouragement. God bless you!
Kyla I’m so proud of you. I know your mom & she loves you so much. I hope that someday my son will come to the place you are now. He’s right where you were at this point. God gets the Glory for your change & you get the pride that you did the work.